the romance of just being...

Rinones, por favor = Some kidneys, please.

the romance of just being alive and in love.
or at least in love with the idea of being in love.
or at least with the sound belief that you are indeed in love.

complicated? welcome to the true essence of love.
made absolute sense? in addition, one finds simplicity in the most convoluted.
the array of rainbow emotions, plus the million nuances you actually get in black. aye, lassie, that is love.

one day you're flitting and flying and smiling at all the irritated road ragers on the way to work and back. you're smiling "tolerance", "patience", and "it's great to be stuck in this traffic jam cos you get to reflect on how special relationships really are". you see the baby blue in the sky. you wonder at the birds singing even though the rains are coming. you could be snow-fucking-white, for the amount of humming you're doing around the household chores.

the next, you're a road rager yourself. and the blackest of moods permeate your weaving through every single daily chore and ritual. you scare the selangor red bus driver into giving you way, with the curse that is apparent in your angry aura. you cringe when you see that lovey-dovey couple holding hands and sharing their pukey special kodak moment together, and you fight the urge to kick some sense into her head and him, well just in his nuts for general good-will.

the next day? you love yourself. you love e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. you stand for. you even love that your knees are so round and that you inherited them from your grandmother through your madre. you love waking up mornings and rewinding over and over all the happy dreams you had throughout the night, where you heard his voice endlessly. he was just talking to you. just calling out your name. you love traipsing into work to find 3 emails waiting for you from him. especially the one liner-one paragraph ones that show that he thought about you throughout his busy day.

then you're back to the black day. and you hate yourself for being so stupid. for believing that love will show him the way and that karma intends for you to be together. you hate the flipping love songs they keep playing, back-to-back that croon out themes of having no choice but to wait as the damned singers are so stuck on the one person, they just can't move on (ahem, don't know how to move on, konon). well you know what, get lives people!!! and then you remember that you too struggle pathetically with just trying to move half a baby-step forward with the sickening realization that THIS man is not going to be "the one" either, sista.

sigh. well, love is a rainbow and then some. and unfortunately, the blackness of all things, stick. they really do. and the real challenge is to keep your soul from disintegrating too badly this time round, when this ends too. and you are back to wearing that same label inside out for all the world to see: unrequited love walking here. you know what? i do believe that this time, i am going to get some cute little neon t-shirts printed with that very same tag-line, and sell them. would you buy one??! USD15 a pop, and you get to send amreeth to the Iguazu Falls...