she is just lying there now, her body crumbling from the inside out,
and she is losing her battle to death-by-cancer, in fast-forward.
closing my eyes here at my desk in Kuala Lumpur, i am a lifetime away and i can only imagine her there, wedged deep within her blinding anguish. it is surreal.
i wonder constantly where her soul is now? is it still trapped inside of her, feeling each fresh pulse of pain, each fresh battle lost, as the cancer continues on savagely to consume methodically and to decay some more? i can almost see it moving on in sheer precision to the next untouched spot, to devour and to corrupt. or is her soul thankfully embracing the heavy doses of medication, meted out to numb her into oblivion and bridge the journey she must now undertake alone?
is she already floating above? watching her new-12 day husband and eternal soul-mate, her sad father and her strong mother, her loving friends, as they rally around her stagnant, emaciated frame? watching each one of them helplessly, unable to come back? or maybe she has already said her good-byes to them, and leaving them sitting there still, has simply flown out of the window, and up into the clear blue Melbourne skies above?
i remember vividly the very first time we met, Camo and i. and how i was absolutely awed by her red hair, and sparkling bright eyes, her heavy doc martins. and now in a blink, 17 long years on, i remember the very last time we met, pre-Chinese New Year 2007. all bones, naked skin-head, she was struggling to hold herself steady on her steel crutches, smiling contagiously as she opened the door for me. noticing my Double Happiness pendant and calling it by name (which is no small feat), she was convinced i should start dating on-line, and how i may just meet my prince there (as she did herself all those years ago now).
she had this thing about her toes back in university. she would never ever walk barefoot least someone accidentally touched her feet, and she was petrified of the shivers it would then start deep inside of her. i think of that often when i walk barefoot now, and i wonder when God will finally take her?
or is she gone from us already, and her comatose body merely a symbol for us that hold on to her still?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
so sad :(
yar :( my heart is really broken at the moment g-fren. i am a mess.
horrible,life is ... life.
we only know we are here but dont know for how long. this is a sad example...
I am very sorry
thank you anonymous.
I'm a friend of Narelle's too and also overseas and also brokenhearted. It just seems so horribly wrong that she should be dead and not spending the rest of her long life with Simon. I feel like raging at fate.
thank you, amreeth. i met narelle through my girlfriend, claire, about ten years ago and i am in a state of disbelief. those eyes, that beautiful hair, her amazing smile. and one of the gentlest and friendliest people i have ever met. i miss her. thank you for writing this.
hi Claire and Ben,
thank you. for visting. and for reaching out to me! it has been so hard doing this sitting so far away.
it does seem horribly wrong, and i can only pretend to imagine how Simon must be feeling. Narelle finally met her prince, and he stood so strongly beside her. and for that i am truly glad.
a Malaysian mate of mine who had never met Narelle, said to me this morning through a condolence text, that "her last 2 weeks married to Simon would last her a lifetime in heaven", and for the first time in a long time, i really smiled.
hugs, keep in touch, and God Bless YOU BOTH!
Post a Comment