my heart got broke...

Tiene algo en negro? = Do you have something in black?

how ironic is life, eh?? i get camo's wedding invitation and i feel this enormous surge of happy relief that her scan results must have come back "negative" and the cancer is finally beat, and she is fulfilling her immediate dream of dancing at her own wedding.

only to call her and hear that there is good news and there is bad news. so the good news is that she is getting married. the bad news is that the doctors have done all they can for her and that she now only has a few months to live.

so is this how this chapter goes? that after battling cancer one battle after the other, since first discovered in september 2006, after losing her womb, and her hip and about 4 inches of her leg, the dreaded C has spread into every possible bone crevice that chemo is no longer able to keep things at bay.

i can only superficially describe the physical and mental traumas camo must have been through. she is however cheerfully upbeat, worried somewhat you might be hurting with her news, always considerate as to how you are coping. she is holidaying with her parents at the moment, savouring the bitter sweet opportunities to make these potentially last memories, before she returns to Melbourne for the benefit concert her fiance, simon is throwing for her, and for cancer patients on sunday night.

and then she rests up, until they have that small and intimate ceremony on the 5th of august. needless to say i started shaking yesterday when she told me over the phone, and i am still shaking. i had to ring off as i lost my composure and i cried like a hysterical baby most of the night. it has been a long time since i fell asleep with the tears still rolling down my cheeks, leaving wet spots on my blanket.

but here's to camo. who will be the most beautiful being at her own wedding. she will laugh and live and love to the very last second. and then she would have also planned her own funeral. wanting always for loved ones to stay happy, and celebrate life and each other, and not the sadness of all things as they stand. pragmatic. all gifts to be instead donations to the Cancer Council of Victoria.

i salute you mi amiga. and i thank you for every second you have been yourself, and a true sister to this malaysian who will eternally ever be grateful for your warm inclusive welcome into your life, your family, and your friendship. God keep and protect you always...