so... next steps anyone? anyone? anyone?

had an excellent conversation with my sweet cousin this afternoon. he is the only one i know that checks up on me regularly. i mean really checks up on me.
how i am doing as a person, as a woman struggling through my life and a career and finding myself. not the way the rest do. my familia - always meaning well - but never stopping to think i could be vulnerable. that i am not as strong as i seem.

but this cousin. he is awesome that way :) so this little shout-out is to YOU, the curly wigged FB friend of mine. you know who you are.

so on this MSN convo (as in all our MSN convos) i find i tell him more than i intend as my guard is down. and that helps me stop and think, what i am doing really? the relevant question of have i moved on? how does one move on from something that never really started. from something that is so intrinsic to the very fabric of my soul, it continues on even when i don't feed it. it has a life of its own today. this intangible yet core element of whom i have become, the choices i make consciously and otherwise, all grow rooted from this core. yet it never technically started.

what does that make me? the stronger one? the one that is destined to feel that epic love story of angst and unfulfillment, karma and Shakespeare? i sit quietly at my desk, contemplating the beauty of a few simple words on an MSN convo.

and it continues...

Larawannabe: men shud read all these books we go gaga with
Larawannabe: then they'll know what we expect
Larawannabe: u shud read 'me & mr darcy'
Larawannabe: so funny too. this writer guy (the hero) trying to unearth the mystery of why women swoon over mr darcy
Iggy Singh: hmmmm. this is the year i will get swept of my feet
Iggy Singh: and not land on my ass :))
Iggy Singh: now pack up and GO HOME

MSN convo with my BFF: TGIF peeps!

Larawannabe: im fidgeting. cant wait to balik
Larawannabe: u know haaa
Larawannabe: men when they're sick, they r so grumpy
Larawannabe: why is that??
Iggy Singh: who says they are men?
Iggy Singh: they are ALWAYS babies
Iggy Singh: or boys
Iggy Singh: they just get wrinkles, go bald, and grow their bellies
Iggy Singh: ohhhh.. like going backwards in time to when they were babies
Iggy Singh: hence our fascination with vampires
Larawannabe: wat? vamps are more mature?
Iggy Singh: as in they stay beautiful
Iggy Singh: no balding
Iggy Singh: no bellies
Iggy Singh: :))
Iggy Singh: at least they deadly babies with eternally good looks
Larawannabe: hear hear!