i am sure we all have days like this. days where you just feel tired of being good. days where you just want to sit with your half bottle of Chivas and drink it in "glugs" on the rocks. days where you want to stay on your couch, un-showered staring at a (hopefully working) TV, watching images of an actor playing parts of your life, pulsing and flashing as your brain thankfully sinks into the clouds of being border-line drunk.
days where you want to rant and rave and say what you really feel. days where you want to shout out and scream and shake your wrathful fists at the people that have hurt you, that have let you down, that have made you taste the bitterness that many a time, have become your life's memories.
but instead, i woke up, lit the candles on my altar, burned some incense, said my prayers with an open heart, showered, got dressed, came into work, smiled at everyone i met, listened actively and reciprocated positively in each and every conversation i had with a work colleague.
the balance i had to reach today was that life is what i make of it. that the reality of those bitter memories have not become my life's worth. that i can only keep moving forward, and that i am exactly where i am meant to be.
its just that i need to make a conscious and daily choice of whether i step up into the light today, or stay cowered in the dark.
~written by Ariel; 1st published Friday, August 7, 2009. 8 days prior to cleansing~
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