the rain

the rain drops they fell. light on her face at first, mingling easily with her tears.
she barely felt the pebbles dig into her bare feet. her heart was broken, and then the skies fell open. it was as if the very heavens above grieved with her. she felt the whipping rain stinging her forearms.
she kept on walking. desolate and confused. she was determined to finish the long mile still.
she kept her face open to the skies, her head held high and she blinked often to clear her fixated eyes.
she was close, so very close and she could feel the end just there, ahead of her.
she wondered then who would miss her? who would miss her crooked smile and loud giggles? who would come to look for her, after?
she was depressed in the discovery of the stark answers. no one.
there would be no one that would reach out for her, and she rolled her shoulders back, sobbing openly.
it was time and she was ready. she paused in anticipation and then in a heartbeat she stepped forward, out into the nothingness of space.

~fictional piece by amreeth~

shards of my life

i have so many broken relationships to contend with and i'm only half way to death.
friends and lovers, mostly forgotten, some occasionally surfacing when that song hits the drive-time airways.
some relationships are in the midst of being broken and i just watch, a visitor to my own feelings, ambivalent.

each break equates a shard that slithers through my sacred and very conscious heart.
each shard, merely a step in this long universal ladder, that is my karma.
i tip toe at times, stepping over my memories, hoping to achieve a better next try... perhaps if i lift myself above my mistakes and learn from them?

but no. it is a fact i recognize now, that i am quite looking forward to starting my next broken relationship.
as it may then finally mean that i am done with this one.
i try not to sigh too deeply where i sit... these shards they tend to grate against each other.

happy birthday John... here's to the miracle that is YOU!

John Winston Ono Lennon, MBE (9 October 1940 – 8 December 1980), was an English songwriter, singer, musician, graphic artist, author and peace activist who gained worldwide fame as one of the founders of The Beatles.
(the above = courtesy of Wikipedia).

Copyrighted to John.. here is THE song:

"Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one."

i am but a broken flower.

i am but a broken flower,
tossing about in this wind,
where or where will i land eventually, and in what sort of a condition?

i am just flitting and flying at the mercy of these base elements.
i am scared and extremely fearful of being up here so high.
will i ever ever stop and where will i eventually land?

the rain is battering down pellets, big and hard.
my petals are bruised and quite quite broken.
i can feel nothing now except for my constant pain, it is racing down my core.

i saw my mother ahead in this flurry, she was calling and calling out to me.
and then this blustering force blew her away and again, i am all alone.
what will become of me, and where oh where will i be?

i am falling down down down, and as i hit the ground, i am dizzy.
the storm has passed, and i feel the gentle stirrings from the sun.
and i lie here in my sad state, and just wait.

i am but a broken flower.

author's note: thinking like a school girl ~ amreeth

camo is a shining star...

author's note: thanks to my very sweet friend David Nic i received camo's CD today. camo even wrote little notes after every song (title) that she had hand-picked/ compiled into this CD, intended to speak to us after she was gone to heaven.

so please do allow for me to present to you:

Songs Of My Life - Narelle Cameron

Turn! Turn! Turn! - The Byrds
This has always been a song that I wanted played at my funeral. "There is a time to live a time to die". Now is the time to celebrate my life.

Do You Realize - The Flaming Lips
Like the above, it's time to realize that life is short and should be celebrated. If you have this CD, it means you are special to me and I want you appreciate what life has to offer.

Breathless - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
This song reminds me of my love for Simon

Common People - Pulp
It was a difficult decision to make as to which Pulp song to include. This reminds me of England where we rented a flat above a shop and cut our hair and got a job! And of course did a lot of dancing to this song.

Wonderwall - Oasis
A classic Oasis song that couldn't be passed.

Bitter Sweet Symphony - The Verve
This song reminds me of my time in England. This was a time I spent with many people I loved, including my mum, who called this the drinking song. A song with a lot of memories.

Elephant Stone - The Stone Roses
Another difficult decision to make - so many Stone Roses songs to choose from. The only reason I chose this song was that it went well after The Verve, and it reminded me of dancing at Rave. Good enough reasons to me!

Vapour Trail - Ride
A lot of meaning behind this song and this band. One of the starts of my independent music 'phase' that continues.

Soon Is Now? - The Smiths
The Smiths is a band that I have long loved and danced to, especially during my uni days. Although most of the songs are 'down', they always made me feel 'up'. Don't read too much into the lyrics of this song, just the tune!

The Ballad of Tom Jones - Space & Cerys Matthews
This is a fun song that reminds me of a time at Karaoke with Wendy doing a duet, another fun night out with the gang.

Girls & Boys - Blur
What memories this song has!! A hard decision to make as to which Blur song to include, but this song won with the memory of going Bridgewater with Wendy sky diving and we changed all the words to the song. Fun!

I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor - Artic Monkeys
A newer song that I would find myself dancing to if I was able to dance again.

And you know I always look good on the dance floor!

Fell In Love With A Girl - the White Stripes
Which song to chose? Since I'm in love with the world, this seemed appropriate.

Gold Lion - Yeah Yeah Yeah's
Another newie that would see me on the dance floor.

Metal Mickey - Suede
Who couldn't help but dance to this tune at Rave? I was always on the dance floor with my beautiful friends

Young Folks - Peter, Bjorn And John
A new song but one that is infectious with it's whistling and would have me dancing for sure!

Alright - Supergrass
"We are young, we run green", with lots of memories of dancing as well. You know, I always though the lyrics were "we are young. we are free"!! Alas!

Days - The Kinks
I thought an appropriate way to end the CD.

Thank you all for the days you gave me. I won't forget a single day - believe me!

Dell to the rescue

so i have done the unthinkable for me. ordered a basic PC on line. and boy, that was complicated to the max, as unlike World of Feng Shui (where you just click and drag stuff into your shopping cart) i had to do the steps the grown-up way. but all done and submitted successfully Friday night.

so step 1 is done. this Friday, i am going to buka (puasa) with LWB at MV and after our usual (i am guessing) fare of BK BK and more BK, she is going to take me on a speedy and focused shopping spree of buying the various adaptors (for power surge control lah; to allow for my wireless to be user-friendly to my PC.. or whatever) to a computer table, to my WEB CAMS.

so then come Saturday, i am guessing Dell will show up to set-up and wallah, i will have all the ingredients ready to a safe and secure household :) Dell called me as i was walking to the KLCC so i couldn't really hear the lady, but she will call back at 2:30 (i tetap lah the time) so i will push for week-end delivery, and then my SME - Mizz LWB - will set up the various devices. and i will be surfing on line to check-on that crazy-bitch-pukau-wannabe-of-508! brrrr... lucky for that insane woman i am not into "santeria" eh?

my nasty neighbors

too many years to count now, i have the misfortune of living next door to apartment 508. full family, includes 1 fat nasty father, 1 semi-fat nasty mother, 1 paranoid white-haired mother in-law, 3 fat nasty gangster sons, and 1 obese mutt that never gets walked and who's pee you can smell right in my living room, should i not be burning incense (which 'encourages' them to keep their window next to me closed!)

now, all the descriptors on their over-weight situation is not at all why i think they are nasty. i think they are horrendously nasty because of these next reasons... they never close a door. they slam. shoe cupboards, front doors, garbage area doors. sometimes the slam rattles my mirrors, my front door and makes IggySingh sit up alarmed. so if all 6 fat humans decide to go out for dinner, you can safely expect 3-5 repeated slams of the front door, and then 3-5 slams of their shoe cabinet as they are unable to figure this next bit out: that the next fat human is just on their way out too, so ALL can just walk-out together-gether, pick up/put on shoes, and save xx amount of slams (and wear and tear) of their front door and shoe cabinet. eureka! oh, not to mention the throwing of their shoes out of their apartment to slam hard on the corridor outside my front door, after which they shuffle out (side-to-side) to put them on.

the women of the household, so the wife and her mother-in-law are great believers in weekly visits to their family bomoh. so in addition to the slams, and smelly dog, i get the privilege of coming home after work to see what they have left outside my front door for the week. everything from: sand/gravel/small stones; to limau (lime. either whole, or sliced and diced, or even to just finding the seeds); to feathers (chicken mostly); to hair. lately, i have even had the joy of ringing bells, and the women praying over my car in the wee hours of the morning. so i walk happily to the car park to start my drive into work, and from the first door of the common car park i smell the strong smells of kemenyan (special incense) that gets stronger and stronger, to almost overwhelming when you reach my car and pause at my engine. i have even now started finding feathers on the floor of my car park.

so, all the usual reactions? been there, done that. tell the guards? what? that i find feathers and ash here and there. where's the proof it was deliberate? and not something our big winds flew in? i am thinking seriously about buying a web-cam and setting this up both outside my front door, and in my car. comments? the good news is that this has been on-going for too many years to count now, so i think my neighbors are beginning to think i am a witch myself, as my daily Ganesha prayers, full blown with the conch shells and the daily burning incense within my home, have kept me safely and exactly where i am. and i have laid (as usual) my life at His feet for His protection. so they a little scared of me.

the bad news is because they are scared, the weekly 'gifts' i find have been escalating. to think all this started as my other neighbor, 502, wrote to the building committee who then wrote to the MPPJ (our local municipal council) to have their smelly dog removed, and 508 thought it was ME! at that point of time i didn't even realize they had a dog! i was too focused on partying and my ex-boyfriend. so the sand/gravel started initially. supposed to quicken my departure by creating a sense of unease at home. and miss-clueless here just continued in my daily worship and loving my life, and now it has all culminated to the point of kemenyan in the car park. now... ahem, if i did practice Wicca... hmm... i wonder what Peggy will look like as a 2-legged fat adult Pig? fancy a pink tail there madam neighbor??!

but this was my ultimate BREAK UP song...

...and i would like to dedicate this to all the married pricks out there, who continue to be unfaithful. "here's to you fcktards". muahhhahaha... and i am happy to report that i do not flinch anymore! (personal liberating pat on my back) ~ amreeth

ALANIS MORISSETTE LYRICS for the song "FLINCH"

What's it been over a decade?
It still smarts like it was four minutes ago
We only influenced each other totally
We only bruised each other even more so

What are you my blood? You touch me like you are my blood
What are you my dad? You affect me like you are my dad

How long can a girl be shackled to you
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
How long can a girl stay haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

Where've you been? I heard you moved to my city
My brother saw you somewhere downtown
I'd be paralyzed if I ran into you
My tongue would seize up if we were to meet again

What are you my god? You touch me like you are my god
What are you my twin? You affect me like you are my twin

How long can a girl be tortured by you?
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
And how long can a girl be haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

So here I am one room away from where I know you're standing
A well-intentioned man told me you just walked in
This man knows not of how this information has affected me
But he knows the colour of the car I just drove away in

What are you my kin? You touch me like you are my kin
What are you my air? You affect me like you are my air