Thursday, October 25, 2007

two...

only TWO more working days until my life hits a purrrfect balance of harmony again.
Iggy and I will get our beloved Kak P back, and she will be back to being Iggy's second mother and Iggy will feel less lonely, and me, I will have BACK-UP.
waheguru.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

blink

i sit often now, with my eyes frozen open.
my unshed tears spring habitually to the back of my eyes, and i am afraid.
afraid that should i blink, i will allow the warm hurtful liquid an easy access to my broad cheeks, and the world will then see how my soul really mourns.
mourns this new coming of age, this new lesson learnt, this new ending.
for when you said good-bye, the finality of things so hopeless weighed too heavily upon these small shoulders, and i stopped breathing.
i could have taken any punishment, but not good-bye.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

the little things i am blessed with

7:30am: the way Iggy's tail uncurls as the sleep leaves her eyes.
the way she cocks her head to the side, and bats her eyelids at me, snuggling closer into my hand for more manjas. the way her leg comes right back to kick my hand away as HRH has had enough petting for the morning and is ready for her morning routine now.
the love of my life = my green iguana!

8:00am: the luxury of standing under a hot shower, sponging to Marks+Spencer's' China Blue bath cream. the feel of my short hair as i condition. my toes curling up as i tell myself again that every minute after this is going to make me late! the rushing around my bedroom like a headless chook cos i can, and loving the drama of the rush... will i be late??!

12:30pm: lunch and the hot humid walk to the KLCC Suria for lunch at the Foodcourt, yet again. the familiarity of the chap-fan, and the need to eat my soft tofu, yet again... the conversation with my colleagues. the work dramas of the morning revealed and debated. the signing off mentally, as my mind creeps to what he is doing, and the secret smiles as i realize he is probably still fast asleep, and the sadness as i think he is so not dreaming about me.

5:00pm-5:30pm: just for the duration of this project, is pack up and go home time. the wonderment as i step into my apartment, all my work stressors parked at my front door as Iggy voicelessly acknowledges that i am home. her angry head-bobs if her friend senor sun has been absent for the day. her happy gentle hello head-bobbing if the sky is blue, and lined with those fluffy white clouds she just loves to watch. the wonderment i feel, that she may actually think i control the weather. the pujuk to eat her sawi time, followed fast with a hot shower and her entire pm routine.

6:30pm: Iggy's bedtime. the joy of knowing she is home with me, again, and here to stay stay stay. and that she is safely curled up under her cushions, and that in 13 hours.. it will be time to wake her up and start all over again. the fervent prayers in mind for a sunny day tomorrow and for Iggy to lick her bowl clean by devouring all her green veggies.

FACEBOOK TIME: the joy of being able to satisfy my insane obsession with my Zombie who is now at 1005 points! followed by my Vampire, Werewolf and Slayer! in between sterilizing Iggy's food bowls, bathroom, kitchen sink, and wiping down her cage. i bond with domesticity and the Internet! i wonder if i am dressed enough to walk over for a visit and dinner with aunty Jas.

8:00pm+: maybe i would have watched Saloni and then Bani twist painfully in their individual lives on the Zee serials. maybe i would have just flaked out catching the cyber waves and think i should just bond with Max and all the tiresome episodes over the week-end instead, in one mind-numbing fest. walking over to aunty Jas' i am feeling happy and content. tired and ready to hear about her day.

MY DAILY PHONE CALL: with Mom :) lifts me up to no end.

9:00pm+: heading home to flake on my couch. to sleep. or to watch some TV. 6:15am will be time to wake up and start the chants, soak the veggies, prepare HRH's daily feast all over again. so i typically opt to zzz and to away to dreams where i only get 11 chances and i win some, and i definitely lose some. subconsciously pondering my karma? hmmm... more like i am living my Facebook choices! in between dreaming about him, that is awake and not thinking about me at all.

Monday, October 15, 2007

hopeless...

i never thought i would ever associate myself with that word... "hopeless".
but what else can it be? this feeling of being stuck. of wanting to stay in bed, under the covers. of wanting to bond with Facebook and with my Max. of not wanting to breathe too deeply.
despite knowing the drill (and God knows i have been down this road one too many times, standing exactly at this realization) it is suffocating to move even an inch sideways. let alone forward.
it is easy for you to say move on, and that i will be better off. but have you ever spent even one minute in my tattooed skin? have you ever felt the smile that lifts my soul when i hear your voice. even when it is telling me to move on?

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

the rain

the rain drops they fell. light on her face at first, mingling easily with her tears.
she barely felt the pebbles dig into her bare feet. her heart was broken, and then the skies fell open. it was as if the very heavens above grieved with her. she felt the whipping rain stinging her forearms.
she kept on walking. desolate and confused. she was determined to finish the long mile still.
she kept her face open to the skies, her head held high and she blinked often to clear her fixated eyes.
she was close, so very close and she could feel the end just there, ahead of her.
she wondered then who would miss her? who would miss her crooked smile and loud giggles? who would come to look for her, after?
she was depressed in the discovery of the stark answers. no one.
there would be no one that would reach out for her, and she rolled her shoulders back, sobbing openly.
it was time and she was ready. she paused in anticipation and then in a heartbeat she stepped forward, out into the nothingness of space.

~fictional piece by amreeth~

shards of my life

i have so many broken relationships to contend with and i'm only half way to death.
friends and lovers, mostly forgotten, some occasionally surfacing when that song hits the drive-time airways.
some relationships are in the midst of being broken and i just watch, a visitor to my own feelings, ambivalent.

each break equates a shard that slithers through my sacred and very conscious heart.
each shard, merely a step in this long universal ladder, that is my karma.
i tip toe at times, stepping over my memories, hoping to achieve a better next try... perhaps if i lift myself above my mistakes and learn from them?

but no. it is a fact i recognize now, that i am quite looking forward to starting my next broken relationship.
as it may then finally mean that i am done with this one.
i try not to sigh too deeply where i sit... these shards they tend to grate against each other.

happy birthday John... here's to the miracle that is YOU!

John Winston Ono Lennon, MBE (9 October 1940 – 8 December 1980), was an English songwriter, singer, musician, graphic artist, author and peace activist who gained worldwide fame as one of the founders of The Beatles.
(the above = courtesy of Wikipedia).

Copyrighted to John.. here is THE song:

"Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one."