one year today. my sweet friend. RIP.

one year already, and i still shake my head thinking "really? she is really gone?"
and i was just miles away from being a day-to-day part of her life. i think about her hearts, those that lived with her second by second, that loved her to her core and beyond. i think especially of Simon and wonder how he's doing. i think about Mrs. and Mr. Cameron. of Wendy.

i woke up thinking 'there is a day to live and there is a day to die' and i think today is a day to live YOUR life to the MAX my friends. to celebrate being alive. even to celebrate being in love and getting dumped, cos you get that 2nd chance. you get to walk bare foot and have long showers in good health feeling your entire life still ahead of you and you get to feel the sunshine on your face.

driving to work today, i saw a man sleeping on a bench. it was across the courts at the traffic lights between Jalan Raja and Jalan Parlimen. he had his legs crossed and was sleeping on his side, and had one arm stretched out. he looked like he had had a rough night with one too many bottles of toddy, and i watched at him with such a total array of emotions. first in deep shock (as it was like 9am! it was the heart of Kuala Lumpur and he was still blissfully unawares, and hello, wasn't he going to be late for work?!).

and then in concern (was he even alive?? what if he was lying there dead? and then he coughed and coughed again). and then in utter disgust (wtf was he in such a state of total un-control that he needed to stay the entire night out sleeping on a bench?). and then i smiled. sigh... cos i suddenly remembered all over again. the blazing nights of walking home so drunk we needed a "designated walker". stumbling and laughing and singing and crying... we used to (regularly) find some of our mates passed out drunk on the sides of the main road back to Deakin Uni from the local pub. and i laughed cos this guy, like us then, gets to wake up, shake himself, go home and have a shower, and think wtf? BUT he gets to just get on with life.

and its all ABOUT choices. get that? i did. watching him in slumber, i did. Camo lived her life, right to her last breaths... and beyond.